www.monicacuaca.blogspot.com

2012-02-09T09:19:00.000+11:00

You know that moment when you just want someone who manage the time in this universe to use all the super power to do just one thing: stop the time.
I would really appreciate that. Thank you.

2012-01-10T10:42:00.000+11:00

At this state, i really need things to be back to normal. I'm home but this doesn't feel like home. It's just a big house with mean and selfish people in it. Want to change the tickets to be back to sydney earlier in february but then i realised i have no home at there either. hahaha. i guess, life is having a good laugh at me right now.

2011-12-13T06:09:00.003+11:00

Here's to someone who's been stalking my blog for quite a number of months :p
If you're reading this, this post again is dedicated for you.
Here's to you who've been one of the men out there who always success to sweep me off my feet.

I want to say I love you,
here and there,
always have and always will,
even though the path is still blur for us,
I know we will make it through as long as it's you,
as long as we both wanted to.

I guess 'thank you' word will never cover how grateful i am for this year,
for knowing you, for having you, and for keeping you.
Thank you for pulling me out from the dark,
for showering me with endless supports and love,
for the wait when i'm not even sure what' worth to wait,
Thank you so much for being the one person I could talk to
and i'm sorry i'm so difficult to be with.
Thank you for never leaving my side through the tough and ugly times.
Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for being understanding. Thank you for being patient, kind, friendly.
Thank you for not pushing me and not letting me fall either.
Thank you for making me feel that i good enough even though sometimes i am such a pain in the ass hee hee.
Thank you for accepting me for who I was, and looking on the inside, not the outside.
But most of all…thank you for loving me like no one else ever has, or ever will.

We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.

- Ellen Goodman

2011-11-05T11:55:00.000+11:00

I can't sleep recently. If i could sleep then i would be having nightmares. I don't know why certain person could still haunts you in your sleep even if you don't talk to them anymore, or even see for years.
I'm thinking sleeping pills.
You know how when you're in bed, all those random thoughts just came out from nowhere? i hate that feeling. You can't shoo them away, you let those feelings eating you and they make you feel so miserable and you can do nothing.

I still don't get a lot of things when i'm thinking, and i think i will never. Maybe some things will never meant to be understood. right? People i know became people i knew. I still think i know them though. Maybe because i'm not ready to give it up as a memory yet. And eventually i'm the one who fades into memory.

2011-11-02T01:55:00.001+11:00

"Its like you're screaming and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. no one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless like nothing can save you, and when its over, then its gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good."

- Agyness Deyn on Rihanna's We Found Love clip

2011-10-30T19:32:00.000+11:00

i never intend to drag people into the darkness i created. I promise you i never.
but aren't we all selfish human beings? wanting to have someone who simply understands? not judging, not pushing, not expecting more from you because they believe you are good enough?
i don't need help, i need guidance, i need someone who could reach out their hands for me. not just standing outside this walls i built and wait for me to climb back and go back to them, wait for me to be sane enough.
then what if i couldn't go back there? will you just wait and wait? i doubt that.
cause i myself don't know how to.

2011-10-28T19:12:00.002+11:00

How easy it is living in a denial. It is too comforting. We lie, lie too much. We lie to ourselves.
Thinking of everything is going to be alright, while it isn't going to be.
Sometimes it is too consoling living in a lie, i build these walls of lies to protect myself getting hurt.
ah, i don't even know what i'm talking about. I need to get a grip of something. I need consistency of how i should be living my life. i've been wanting to die, and wanting to live. I hate this feeling. I would give anything not to feel this way, i would give anything to stop wanting to close my eyes forever. I would give anything not to bear with this, i wish someone could save me. Cause i've been in this dark tunnel like forever and i can't see the end of it, not even a glimpse of light.
Lately i've been ignoring God, i'm pushing myself away from him. I couldn't recall the last time i talk to him. maybe because i'm too ashamed of myself, i don't want him to hear any more of my selfish rants.
Do you think we need to get lost in order to find out who we really are? well, i think i've been lost forever. hoping someone could get me out of this.
Do you know how hard it is to be in this alone?
I' m scared, scared that i will be living like this forever.
What am i , or have been running away from?
I don't know either.

2011-10-27T22:57:00.002+11:00

I miss home, but i think i'm not homesick.
I don't really miss going back to that big house, sometimes i miss my old house, it's very small that you couldn't find a sacred place to answer calls, and you can't hide anything in that old house either.

I miss my old housekeeper who used to bath me and braided my hair.
She used to make that javanese sweet candies that i like so much. I hope she's healthy or.. still alive.

I miss lying in my bed for hours, slacking doing nothing for the whole day, going out with my loves to the places we love, shit talking and laughing like nobody cares till our eyes get wet, do everything spontaneously and useless all day. Nothing has to be planned, everything just goes as it is.

I miss the random talks, the free flow conversations, the deep talks that we know it shouldn't be understood, questioning why, what and how.

I miss kenneth, i really hope dog heaven supplies unlimited beef jerkies for him.

I miss waking up at noon, greeted by nasi goreng or mom's herbal chicken soup. I miss the smell of my house when it just been painted, i miss the annoying karaoke sessions from the house next door.

I miss home, where is home?

2011-10-26T20:01:00.001+11:00

The sky is lovely today, by lovely i mean grey. I love grey skies, grey clouds. Even like it more if they're blacks. Like about to have a thunderstorm. I always love rain. I love the smell of it. There's something about rain that is just so comforting. Like it would weep away all the heartaches and sadness. I could sit alone and staring at the rain for hours or so, thinking thinking and thinking. Sometimes i don't even know what i'm thinking, i just think, cause thinking apparently distract my mind for a while. I think the most when i'm about to sleep, i used to have glow in the dark stars stickers on my ceiling, i like to watch them glow until they don't glow anymore and i will feel sad because they don't glow and i have to switch on the lights because they absorbs the lights. I think when i'm waiting for the traffic lights, and the longer i have to wait the better cause i could think more. I feel sad when it changes to green. Lately i've been too absent-minded, i don't care about school, friends, anything. I know i should have been grateful for most of people have been so good to me and i don't know why i just can't be good, i can't be enough. I wonder how the rest of the people do it. Tell me, how do you do it?

2011-10-25T18:33:00.001+11:00

three masketirs (re: musketeers) :D

love her dress!

Happy Birthday Stephy!♥

I cant wait to be back home. Right now there's like a giant rocky stone i'm carrying on my shoulders.

Not to mention, there's someone who's been bugging my mind, a person who doesn't have the guts to spill her name to question my love life on formspring. Like seriously, why do you even bother about my past relationship? It has nothing to do with you, woman. Drop me an email if you want to take this to the next level, don't be a coward. I'm more than happy to answer your curiosities.

2011-10-24T19:34:00.001+11:00

his happy face when he eats his fave hamburger

he's eating nasi padang and ignores me

Seeing him on this 13 inchs screen will always be the highlight of my day:)

2011-10-22T16:55:00.002+11:00

I wonder how do we define changes?
I despise changes.
Is it because we see something that's not like what it used to be,
something new, something we despise, or something we thought is just a phase
or maybe because we never really see it coming at the first place and time wakes us to realise the real person they're becoming into.
We all know nothing is constant, but why are we still disappointed when people we know change? Maybe because people never learn their lessons ; never get your hopes too high
You will fall for them.

What If

2011-10-18T23:40:00.001+11:00

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

the black ink

2011-10-15T06:36:00.001+11:00

It was such an impulsive day because all of a sudden two good friends of mine feel like having tattoos, not their first one thou. I seriously admire their guts. So again we drove down to Surry Hills to this place called Mischief Moon Tattoo Studio. The tattoo artist was being very nice and friendly. Dal wanted to have a white ink tattoo on her wrist but the tattooist didn't really recommend white ink, so she goes for black instead. I picked the 'endurance' for her, hence it really suits her personality i think. While syl got this greek word 'Resurgam' it means 'I shall rise again'. And i think it's really cool, right?

2011-10-12T06:19:00.000+11:00

Went to our favourite bar again last weekend with dalviny, sylvia and stephy but it was packed cuz it's weekend obviously, still having fun anyway. The next day, me and a group of friends were craving or should i say it's just me craving for the chips and deep fried mars bar at Bondi beach so we drove down there, too bad the sun is hiding and it was a bit cold that day. Had dinner at Chat Thai and then karaoke marathon for 3 hours, seriously fun though. Sometimes, i wish time could just stop ticking away when we're having fun.

2011-10-06T05:21:00.001+11:00

pictures were taken at the Art Gallery of New South Wales.

2011-10-05T02:40:00.004+11:00

IndoFest with indo fellas

Found this cute lil cafe with antique deco inside

my mocha, i order it everytime i go to coffee shops i don't know why either.

catching up with my old buddy, sylvia :)

had a few beers afterwards at this really cool bar, me and my friends really like it there

custard, chocolate and lemon meringue

have been eyeing this shoes for quite some time, originally price for 2hundred bucks i guess and it reduced to 100, and then reduced again to 80, and then additional member rewards to 60. i'm so happy wearing it although it kills my feet.

korean for dinner with dalviny and venda

this blueberry cheezecake is so good, yum

me getting ready for a sat night party, and pls excuse my half bald eyebrow haha

2011-09-04T21:56:00.000+10:00

We are gonna build a life together
You and I for ever and ever
And we'll, we'll make babies on the beach
Under the stardust
And I'll hear your voice come through the door
A thousand times, maybe more
And I'll smile inside to know you're mine
Completely

Do you know how lovely you are?
In the starlight, in the starlight of my heart
Do you know how lovely you are?
In the moonlight, in the moonlight of my heart

We're gonna build a home together
You and I for ever and ever
And we'll, we'll make babies on a beach
Under the stardust
And I'll hear your voice come through the door
A thousand times, maybe more
And I'll smile inside to know you're mine
Completely

And I'll wind up every day
Thinking about the way you make me feel
When your lips touch my lips
And I'd crawl inside a cave
Or live somewhere strange
As long as I'm with you
I have got what I need

We are gonna build a life together
You and I for ever and ever
And we'll, we'll make babies on the beach
Under the stardust
And I'll hear your voice come through the door
A thousand times, maybe more
And I'll smile inside to know you're mine
Completely mine

Alfie's 20th

2011-09-03T01:53:00.001+10:00

A little recap of my days:

This Auckland boy just turned twenty, he made a visit to Syd for about a week. A little dinner celebration from me and Juliana, hope he's happy
I've been very UNPRODUCTIVE lately, and this is horrible. I really need to get things back on track seriously :( i feel sick of myself already
Also been looking for part time and casual jobs, desperately need to work to balance my expenses

That's it. My life is boring.

2011-08-29T00:08:00.002+10:00

Some random pictures from early August till its end. September is around the corner, which means spring is coming!

closer

2011-08-28T23:54:00.001+10:00

I never like changes.
Don't know why, it bothers me so much when i spotted a small thing that not usually run on its place,
or
some usual habit of someone suddenly change into other habit that i don't reckon
Maybe that's why i find it so difficult to step out from my comfort zone
And maybe that's why insecure is my middle name, or at least i think so.
I feel so insecure everytime that i see changes, changes of him, or us.
And it bothers me so much, i think and i over thinking, and it always ruins everything.
Cause i was so scared, scared that this relationship won't going anywhere, scared of he will forget about me.
After i think, i question everything, every tiny matters that are irrelevant, mostly.
I tend to emphasize small things into bigger matters and bigger matters to matters that can't be solved anymore.
All those stuffs i just wrote make me hating myself even more.

and there's this man..
that i want to thank him for always have faith on us,
for always want to keep trying this and never gets tired of wanting to make 'us' work
It's funny how we never appreciate what were given until we almost lost it and we try everything to get it back, like everything you loved became everything you lost.
As what i've just said, when i feel insecure, i create all these dramas inside my head, i suck at forgiving people, i hold my pride so high and don't want to look below who beg for second chances.
Cause I was so scared of being left,
I do not want to feel that pain of being left by someone i used to care so much..again.
and so i leave first.. i believe the pain of leaving is bearable than the pain of being left.
I know i'm so selfish, right?

But i want to make this man as an exception.
And i will make this work.
We will make 'us' work.

love letter

2011-08-18T18:33:00.004+10:00

I know I am far away,

But not so far,

that you cannot hold my hand,

If your eye's are upon the stars,

in the crystalline darkness,

I'll become the moon,

And the light shall guide you,

If you rest upon the ground,

in the warmth,

I'll become the grass,

And embrace you,

If you turn outside,

in the wetness,

I'll become the rain,

If you free in the air,

amidst the sunny day,

I'll become the sun,

And smile for you,

Kiss your forehead,

And tell you,

just sense me and I'll be there,

Missing you,

Loving you,
Always.

2011-08-10T23:08:00.001+10:00

and i wonder, if one could possibly die from suffering the pain of missing someone too much?

when you're gone colors seems to fade

2011-06-12T05:27:00.009+10:00

Which one do you think hurts the most? geographical distance or emotional distance?

Which one hurts less? when you're not geographically there but you know that the other person are no longer emotionally there, or when you are apart but you know that the other person is emotionally longing for you?

Both of them make you suffer, but to me when you are apart with your lover and you know that he still carries you in his mind you feel safe, you feel a peace of mind.

Back in the past, i used to think.. so what if he doesn't love anymore as long as i still got him physically he will always stay. But i was wrong, it hurts when you don't know what is he thinking anymore, when both of you got nothing to talk about and what's left is not the comfort silence but the awkward silence is, when he rushed back to drive you home because he can't wait to hang out with his friends, when you found out all of this time his mind has been occupied by someone else, no more sweet text messages, no more morning and goodnight calls. That kind of pain, my friend, hurts more than geographical distance.

True it is, people say long distance sucks. It is hard, indeed. You will find yourself always in doubt, insecure, that your partner will cheat or tired with this relationship.

When you really want to touch him, but you could only send the hug emoticon from bbm

When you really really miss him and want to be there or he could be here, but you could only see his face from your screen

When you really need him to talk but skype is acting like a pain in the arse

Sometimes you keep asking yourself, why would you make yourself feel so miserable? Just end it.

But then you can't stop what you've already started, you knew the risks before starting it, because the feeling has grown, the pain shows that this is not a game you used to play, you've fallen in love and that's it.

Whenever i feel doubt, i convince myself that is way much better than my previous relationship, that although i was never there for him and he was never here with me, we both love and care for each other, and i think that is the most important thing.

The hardest part is always wanting to be with each other. But the only thing that makes it easier, is using every alternative method there is to be together. Phone, webcamming, etc.

Settling for what we have at the moment pays off in the end though. It’s a test. Seeing how much we really want to be together. Whether we want to enough, to be patient and deal with all the bullshit that happens before the next time we see each other, or finding out that it was all just a waste of time and effort. I'm glad that i stay and i'm glad that you are willing to fight for this.

The fact that you don’t get to see your significant other on the daily basis is hard. But when you finally do get to see them, whether its days or months the wait will be all worth it in the end. The way your heart will pound a thousands times as fast, and the way the butterflies in your stomach won’t settle down. The unexplainable feelings you would get when your finally in each others arms. The long kisses you’ve been longing to have.

17 days to go :)

cause without you things go hazy

2011-06-05T01:16:00.006+10:00

Hi, there

been a long time since i posted anything, kinda miss blogging a bit.
so i guess life's been pretty flat lately, nothing new, except for the fact that i'm going back to hometown in 3 weeks, mad exicted!! still, there is something i need to do before going back with freedom,.. that is passing my finals. hope everything goes well as planned, fingers crossed!
I miss my family so much and my boyfriend as well, i miss everything about him, his smell, his smile, his silly jokes, his dirty talk, his passionate talk about basketball game, the way when he ask if i know that he loves me, everything. miss you so much baby.
this long distance thing sometimes bump into rocky road, but hopefully this will worth the wait :)

[Eng/Rom] 2NE1- It Hurts (아파) Live

2011-05-17T23:09:00.003+10:00

You wear the shoes I gave you and walk along the streets with her
As if it were nothing, you kiss her
You spray the cologne I gave you and embrace her
You'll probably repeat those promises you made to me with her

It seems that we're already too late
Has our love already ended?
Please at least say anything to me
We truly loved each other, can't we turn back?

I'm the only one hurting tonight

Have you changed?
Am I no longer in your heart now?
When I, I think about you
It hurts, hurts, hurts so much

You look at my tears as if it were nothing
You continue to talk calmly again
You told me cruely that you couldn't deny
That you had absolutely no attachments or regrets

Are we already too late? Is our love over?
Even if it's a lie, please tell me it isn't so
I can do better now, though we can't meet again

I'm the only one in pain tonight

Have you changed?
Am I no longer in your heart now?
When I, I think about you
It hurts, hurts, hurts so much

You're no longer your old self
Because the you I loved
And the you now are so different
Are you that shocked?
I just stood and cried
Watching you become further away
No way, I can't recognize
You're not mine anymore

Did you have to change?
Can't you come back?
Did you really have to change?
Can't you come back?

Did you have to change?
Can't you come back?
Why did you have to change?
Can't you keep loving me?

Oh, is this the end?
Am I no longer in your heart now?
When I, I think about you
It hurts, hurts, hurts so much

It hurts, it hurts
It hurts, it hurts

11

2011-05-10T22:59:00.003+10:00

"Why 11 roses?"

"Because 11 roses represent "you are my treasured one; the one I love most in my life"

Happy 3 months dear :)

2011-05-09T00:43:00.000+10:00

Trust.

how difficult it is for us to trust someone? and how easy for us to let go that trust?

i was ashamed for having doubts, for always having second thoughts about him, about us.

and i was more ashamed that unfortunately people do can buy your trust. don't judge me wrong. i thought everyone else probably ever feel the same way like i do.

this is a wake up call for me, to trust someone truly from his heart not from what has to do to gain my trust.

from now on, no second thoughts.

clean slate

2011-03-23T21:56:00.005+11:00

This is going to be a lengthy post. Unless you don't give a shit about my personal life, i advised you to not read it haha.

This is dedicated to my boyfriend.

who i really care, and love me wholeheartedly.

thank you dear,

you give me something really big, making me trust again :)

i never thought best friend could really make a couple until i really experienced it by myself.

it was nowhere, no reason, no how. we just fall in love.

i read somewhere an excerpt from 500 days of summer, it says

"a guy and a girl can be just friends. but at one point or another, they will fall for each other, maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, or maybe forever."

he's not perfect. but he's perfect for me :) we're perfect for each other.

Thank you for being so patient with me, i know i have never been such a good girlfriend but i am trying. I am so blessed for having a man like you, my life partner. Lucky, i'm in love with my best friend :) sayang kamu babyy hehehe

Although,

it wasn't easy at first, being me who is such a hopeless romantic person. I was a fool for waiting for someone who even probably doesn't remember a thing about me. But, i'm keeping that faith for more than a year. I waited. I keep holding on. You know, it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you think it's everything you want.

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't, at some point, think of him.

I have these thoughts everyday in my head, that he will come back and apologize.

I repeated our conversations every night so i could fell asleep.

yes, i'm pathetic with a capital P.

Many of my best friends have encouraged me to move on. and i said, who said i haven't? I lied. so that they will believe and not ask abt it anymore.

"I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go of. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't really even have. Some of us say we'd rather have that something that absolutely nothing but the truth is, to have it half way is harder than not having it all." This is absolutely true. I quoted it from tumblr.

My friend once said, "what is it that he have that could make you could fall so hard?"
I said, "everything. I love him so much that now i understand that this feeling of love exceeds the pain, the broke up, the cheating, the he's got a new gf."
I asked my best friend, "Why do you think i couldn't move on?" She replied, "because you don't want to. You are keeping him in your memories. You don't want those memories to vanish."
I nod and said, "Yes, it's true. cause that's what all i have from him, memories. If they're gone, i don't have anything left from him. So he lives on my memories."

You know, when i answered this i feel really really sad. My thought was, my God why do i have to love him this much? I hated myself for being so weak.
I also remembered last year, when i lost my wallet there were some cash and debit cards inside. I cried not because of the money, but it's because the photographs inside are gone too. Photographs of me and him. Do you get what i mean? I have broken up with this guy for almost a year, but i'm still carrying our photos in my wallet. I was a sad woman. It came across to me that even God wants me to move on. I couldn't accept that at the moment. I was angry, i thought, "Tuhan kenapa? I already lost him, why do you have to make me lost the photos too? Do you have to do that?" Sad, i know.

I'm in this phase of life for more than a year.

Then, I realized you and i will always have this unfinished business. I want a closure, a clean slate.

I wanted you to fight for me. but i guess you didn't even understand the word 'fight'.

I waited, i got tired, i lost hope. Therefore, I think it's time to let go.
"At some point, you will realize that you have done too much for someone,that the only next possible step to do is to stop. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will be eventually yours, and what is not,no matter how hard you try, will never be"

It's not giving up. It's acceptance. i have learnt to accept that both of us grow apart for a good reason.

One day you will realize how much i, was there for you when i'm gone.

I wish you well and always happy there :)

I wholeheartedly have let you go, i'm grateful for everything we have gone through.
You are happy with someone new, and so am i.

One day, when we bumped into each other on the streets, i will give you my best smile and say hi. not running away and hide like i did back then.

This post is not about my story of how i move on or whatsoever. I want every women out there who maybe got dumped, got cheated, or you simply can't move on from your ex-es to be brave. It takes time, a loooong time. but you have to believe it really worth it in the end. You just HAVE TO let them go ,you need to understand that from the bottom of your heart. and you have to do that bcs you really are ready and willing to. It takes me a long time, because i didn't want to. I prefer to remember him every night, and it hits me that this have to stop. It's unhealthy. Seek for supports, because family and friends are what you need when you got hit by those 'flashbacks'. I hope nobody out there act as stupid as me :)

p.s I'm in love, and although it really scares the hell out of me to trust someone again. I really am happy :) and i wrote this bcs my boyfriend is feeling kinda 'insecure' of the pathetic-i-can't-move-on posts. so this is to prove him that i have let it go :) there you go babyy haha

2010-11-27T01:56:00.003+11:00

Hola! :D

i have to apologize to my dear blog for abandoning her for too long i guess. I've been busy with final exams and working, but it's all end like a week ago and since then I've been busy enjoying life, so pardon me ;)
I will be leaving Sydney in 3 days to Singapore.! zomggg i'm so sexcited ! will be staying there for a week top with cousins and i'm even more happier that my sister decided to fly over there to accompany me. yay sisters bonding time ♥ hehe. After that, i'm gonna fly back to Medan with my sister :) i still don't know how my summer break's gonna treat me, but i gotta good feeling about this. so, fingers crossed! hope everything will turn out as planned!

Thank you God! :)

the social network

2010-10-30T00:33:00.007+11:00

i watched 'The social network' today. and tell you what, i really ran out of words to describe this movie. It is AWESOME, like seriously awe-inspiring. possibly the best movie i ever watched in 2010. maybe in some countries it hasn't out yet, but i insist all of you to watch this movie once it's available at your nearest cinema.

It is a story about the founders of the social networking site, Facebook.

On a fall night in 2003, Harvard undergrad and computer programming genius Mark Zuckerberg sits down at his computer and heatedly begins working on a new idea. In a fury of blogging and programming, what begins in his dorm room soon becomes a global social network and a revolution in communication. A mere six years and 500 million friends later, Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire in history... but for this entrepreneur, success leads to both personal and legal complications. Written by Columbia Pictures

It’s one of the most influential aspects of our lives, something that makes or breaks relationships, something that can stop you from getting your dream job, something you probably check upwards of five times a day: Facebook. Founded in 2004 in a Harvard dorm room, the social networking site has become something that most of our generation has forgotten how to function without. Its founding was recently chronicled in The Social Network, a recent release that is already receiving Oscar buzz for performances by Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake and Jesse Eisenberg.

The Social Network completely destroyed my expectations in the best way possible. Eisenberg portrays Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of Facebook, with such ruthlessness and ferocity that one can only wonder how accurate the portrayal is. Garfield, as business head Eduardo Saverin, shows increasing frustration at Eisenberg’s character’s refusal to go about the traditional business route in order to make money off of the website. Timberlake has perhaps the easiest role in the film, or at least the one closest to his actual lifestyle: Sean Parker, founder of Napster, living the rock star life. Parker was not an original part of the Facebook team, but after a business meeting with Saverin, Zuckerberg and Saverin’s girlfriend, he became a mentor to Zuckerberg. His key contribution to the site? Changing the name from “Thefacebook” to merely “Facebook.” Armie Hammer portrays the Winklevoss twins, founders of HavardConnection and former collegues of Zuckerberg. They later sued him for stealing the idea for an online Facebook.

review by Jen Connors.

now that, is the second best thing of the movie. my new crush, my current obsession ; Andrew Garfield.

i don't know what has gotten into me, but this guy really has something in those eyes. oh my. usually I will disappointed if someone who plays a famous sequel movie got replaced by someone new such as Tobey Maguire in Spiderman will be replaced by Andrew. but HE is the exception. because, not only because he's effin hot and SO CUTE but i just think he got this spidey look that Tobey also got. i am so looking forward for the upcoming Spiderman in 2012!

P.S i demand all facebook users to watch the social network!

Mentawai

2010-10-28T00:12:00.004+11:00

earthquake, tsunami, and volcano eruption.

Indonesia is in a huge shock and trauma right now
2 natural disasters happened two days in a row

earthquake and tsunami at Mentawai.
volcano eruption at Klaten.
hundreds of people are killed and hundreds are still missing.

please whoever wants to give a hand to our brothers and sisters
you guys can donate through Palang Merah Indonesia

here are their accounts:

-Bank Mandiri 070-00-0011601-7
atas nama Palang Merah Indonesia
- Bank Central Asia (BCA) 035.311223.3
atas nama Palang Merah Indonesia
- Bank BRI 0390-01-000030-3
atas nama Palang Merah Indonesia

you can find out more info abt donation at here

source

you can know more about our brothers and sisters at Mentawai by clicking this blog

God please bless them and give them courage to survive all this.

If..

2010-10-21T00:33:00.003+11:00

If I were a month, I’d be February
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday
If I were a time of day, I’d be 09:00 PM
If I were a planet, I’d be Mercury
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a Fish
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a Big Khaki Reclined Armchair
If I were a liquid, I’d be Water
If I were a tree, I’d be an Christmas Tree
If I were a flower, I’d be a White Rose
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a Violin
If I were a color, I’d be Purple
If I were a fruit, I’d be a Mango
If I were a sound, I’d be Jazz
If I were an element, I’d be Soil
If I were a food, I’d be a home-cooked meal
If I were a place, I’d be Italy
If I were a taste, I’d taste like Mint
If I were a scent, I’d be Body Shop's White Musk
If I were an animal, I’d be a Fish
If I were an object, I’d be a Old Book
If I were a body part, I’d be Lips
If I were a song, I’d be If It Kills Me- Jason Mraz
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be Leopard Printed Platform Shoes

2010-10-17T21:59:00.002+11:00

faith.
what is faith?

have you ever have faith in someone no matter what that person have done to you?

easy to say to someone 'i love you'
or 'i will never leave you'

or 'we will always be together'

indeed, no one knows what will happen tomorrow.

could be, that guy or girl dumped you. with other person.

or could be, they simply left you.

without any feelings.

i still remember all the words you ever said, all the things you've done, all the places we went.

everytime i passed the streets, everytime i crossed the roads. i think of you.

still remember all the vivid moments of our last meeting

at the airport. before i went inside to the boarding room.
'let me hug you for the last time' you hugged me so tight. but i didn't cry.
'for the last time'

yes, it was the last time.
yet i've been longing for it till now

i miss you.

The Rose

2010-10-05T17:12:00.004+11:00

Some say love, it is a river

That drowns the tender reed

Some say love, it is a razor

That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger

An endless aching need

I say love, it is a flower

And you, its only seed

It's the heart, afraid of breaking

That never learns to dance

It's the dream, afraid of waking

That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken

Who cannot seem to give

And the soul, afraid of dying

That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely

And the road has been too long

And you think that love is only

for the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter

Far beneath the bitter snow

Lies the seed

That with the sun's love, in the spring

Becomes the rose

Melbourne ♥

2010-10-04T01:53:00.027+11:00

First day arrived at Melbourne; it was afternoon, after put our luggages an elly and vera's apartment we took a rest and at night we went to city, wandered around Swanston St and i was amazed seeing Melbourne ♥ it is yet very different from Sydney.

State Library at night

We went to Han Guk Guan for dinner :) it was delish, although the service is pretty bad.

Second day; getting to know Melbourne, wandered around Swanston St, Bourke St, and Melbourne Central.

meeting up with Indriani Ceniago, my sayang :) gosh, after almost a year! she's studying in RMIT, Melbourne. we had lunch at Es Teler 77. even they don't have the branch on Sydney, so envy of Melbournians!

one thing i love abt Melbourne the most is the shopping teehee! which is not good bcs i spent nearly all my savings there :( also tried the famous Koko Black's Belgian hot chocolate. just so so in my opinion Max Brenner's better.

went to club at night, don't know if we're going to the wrong club or what but i prefer Sydney's nightlife

Day 3; woke up at noon , too exhausted from last night's move.

We went to have late lunch at Coconut House at Elizabeth St if i'm not mistaken, Malaysian and Singaporean food. quite nice. We didn't take a pic.

Melbourne Central

The famous Pancake Parlour! salivating when i'm looking at this pic. It is so good, i have these twice while at Melbourne. :d went to Hoyts for Charlie St Cloud afterwards. good movie. everything is love when you're on holiday ;)

Day 4; went to Southwharf DFO for shopping

my beautiful cous, Norika :)

went to National Gallery of Victoria and having Kedai Satay for dinner, Indonesian food. yums

Day 5; shopping again and went to Flinders Street Station at night and Federation Square. Melbourne night view is awesome.

St Paul's Cathedral

strolling around Yarra River. it was UBER cold that night, and we didn't know. you can judge on our outfit we didn't prepare lol. Then we went to Crown Casino, it is larger than Sydney's casino, Star City. We didn't plan to go there, because it was so cold, so we were looking for a shelter, a room that has heater to be exact, so we went in. and it is HUGE.

Day 6; woke up early to have brunch at Flinders Ln. searching for unique cafe that catches our attention, and we all agree to try Cafe Andiamo.

Because the weather is so fine that day, which is rarely happens at Melbourne makes us want to go to Luna Park!

tired after playing some thrilling games, went back to city to have dinner at this Tibet-Chinese restaurant, Little Lamb at Russel St. so disappointed with the foods and services.

Day 7; sleep like a pig, and went to have big and special dinner at T.G.I. Friday's!

a must try if you visit there! Southwest potato twister and buffalo wings!

Jack Daniel's New York Strip and Shrimps

our desserts ; mocha flake, snickers treat, and chocolate mint oreo

The desserts were too mini so... we headed to Pancake Parlour again :p

Day 8; woke up early to go to Queen Victoria Market. Vera and Elly convince us to go there to have breakfast, they have yummy doughnuts and churros! no doubt!

Bourke St's landmark

headed back to city, and had late lunch at Oldtown Kopitiam Mamak, and bought groceries and snacks at Laguna, Indonesian Supermarket.

Day 9; nothing special that day. wandered around city, had lunch at Pho Mekong Vietnam, the best Vietnamese food in Melbourne. Their rice noodle soup and spring rolls are really good. taking pics, and having dinner at home cause it was my last night at Melb :( we bought woolies chicken, indomies, snacks, ice creams and watched Kungfu Panda till 4am :)

Max Brenner's Chocolate Bar

Day 10; took a flight back to Sydney.

You see from all of those fun days, How could i want to go back to Shitney? :(

It's not that Sydney is not great, but Melbourne attracts me so much (or maybe bcs i'm on holiday) but i will write about Sydney and Melbourne's differences on my next post. ciao

fatal

2010-10-03T23:20:00.003+11:00

am back at Sydney.
the feeling of leaving Melbourne beats the shit out of me. I feel so sad and gloomy on the plane. you must be thinking what's with Melb? it is not actually the city, but the companions. 10 days are really the best days of this year, hanging out, sleeping, shopping and cooking together with my dearest cousins <3 i have been growing up with them since primary school, and all of us are separated since both of them went to Singapore for secondary school and only got the chance to meet two or three times a year. and when Norika has the chance to visit OZ, we all plan this trip together with Elly and Vera. Those 10 days are simply memorable. As i'm typing this, you have no idea how much i already miss them right now.

and the feeling of going back to Sydney is really..a burden for me. piles of assignments are waiting, have to go back to work, some stuffs need to be solved while i'm too afraid to face them. For two weeks i do not have the guts to open my student email as i'm afraid the results has up and it will ruin my vacation. and yes, when i'm on board i have finally reached a decision to stop running away and have to face the reality. Because i know sooner or later i still have to face it. My results are bad. I know it's all my fault for being a slacker since entering uni. I feel so guilty and the thoughts of quitting uni always cross my mind. But then i remember my daddy and i tried to kick that thoughts away from my head.
This week i have to meet the Head of Department to discuss something that is a fatal mistake i did as a student. Fingers crossed, hope everything will be alright. Even if it won't, I'm praying to God for giving me courage to face all of these.
Actually, all of these could have lifted my shoulders'burden a bit if only i have someone to share with. but i don't. i'm an introvert person unfortunately.
Sorry for the so-gloomy-post. I will post the Melbourne pictures soon..

2010-09-23T07:52:00.003+10:00

hola! :)

didn't realized i haven't posted anything for a week. mind me, i'm on my assignment week peeps and my cousins are here as well. 've been busy being a tour guide teehee; am also have been sleeping at their hotel for almost a week so no laptop with me.

i'm typing this at 8 in the morning. haven't closed my eyes for a glance, still doing my archaeology workbooks. and told ya, i haven't been this exciting working on my assignment, know why? this is the last assignment for this month and WELCOME SPRING BREAK! <3

i'm going to Melbourne tomorrow with my cousins. Norika is visiting OZ from Singapore, and Elly is visiting from Melbourne as well. The three of us will fly to Melb tomorrow and i am fucking excited. I CAN SMELL FREEDOM.!!

10 days in Melbourne sounds like a perfect getaway :)

will post my spring break photos soon, wait for it!

2010-09-15T02:15:00.004+10:00

love isn't supposed to hurt
love isn't supposed to bring tears
love isn't supposed to throb your heart

but why my love hurts?
why it brings such pain and tears? why it keeps throbbing my heart out?

love is supposed to be holding each other hands
love is supposed to be kissing each other foreheads saying goodnight
love is supposed to be sitting down at the bench without awkward silence
love is supposed to be buying and carrying the groceries together
love is supposed to be celebrating our monthversary and anniversary together
love is supposed to be going through the good and bad times together no matter how hard it is

love is supposed to be fight the distance and time

love is supposed to be you.

i hope one day i will find that love... again.

2010-09-15T01:55:00.003+10:00

so.. today i finally sit the supplementary test that i missed last week. haha, and indeed it was hilarious. i think i really need time management counselling. and i mean that. so, i was supposed to sit the test on 9 o'clock, yet ahem i woke up at 8.55. i was like, "DAMMMITT! AGAIN?" but luckily i still could think fast at that situation. maybe i'm getting used to this :$
this time i HAVE TO sit the test, i don't wanna miss another test. that makes me really guilty for a whole week u know :/ so, i get dressed, no shower and even didn't get the chance to brush my teeth. yea i know, gross. but i don't care any more this morning, i quickly stopped the first cab i saw, and YEAH i finally make it with 10 mins late hahaha.
but i am so relieved now. :)

anyway, i am trying out Vampire Diaries now. heard some good reviews about it and decided to give it a try. but don't get me wrong, my love is still for Jacob.

2010-09-13T08:22:00.008+10:00

have been forcing myself to work my ass.. no, not on uni nor assignments but on my job :(

I've been working like a slave these past few weeks, like i work for 28 hours last week and now i knew that hitting the club after you finished work and have work on the next day is totally totally not recommended, i even can't feel my toes. so guys please don't try it or you will suffocate yourself.

good thing is, this 'hell week' is almost over. starting this week (as today is Monday) i have my last shift and then I'm gonna off to Melbourne for spring break :) sounds exciting righttt, though before saying goodbye to this hell of a week, i still have one presentation , one exam, and one workbook of tutorials which marks 60% of the total a hundred percent. so yeah, i guess that's pretty much it. no sacrifice=no spring break.

people say time flies like a blink of an eye when you're having fun, but NOW i really want to blink my eyes 10 times to jump onto the next 10 days!
why life is so hard here? :/

p.s i need and i want new friends.

the whole world stops and stares for a while

2010-09-10T01:09:00.001+10:00

2010-09-09T01:28:00.015+10:00

posting random happenings' photos during these couple of weeks or even months.

ko fendi visited sydney! such a short visit but so glad to see him around :)

camwhoring with ivana

above are photos from Indonesian Festival 2010. good fooooods <3

barbeque at pyrmont park on sunday afternoon

Entrance with sister and friends (n)

above are photos from Taylors graduation ceremony in University of Sydney Great Hall

random sat night at bamboo

p.s : Happy Birthday to Nowinza Halim Putra a.k.a Noah, my best clubbing mate ever! bless him, Buddha :)

wake me up when september ends

2010-09-08T02:03:00.006+10:00

Today has been a pretty bad day for me, to be honest it's not just today. I have been having 'one of those weeks' not just 'one of those days' when you got all the shit things happened every single day.

To sum up.. i was supposed to sit my ass on archaeology mid exam this morning 10 a.m sharp, but what happened was.. i woke up at 11 a.m yes again, sharp.

i was all panic and don't know what to do as in one hour i have to rush to work. Then, i quickly emailed my lecturer explaining my condition with a touch of white lie off course so i could sit the supplementary exam. So i told Mr.Martin that on my way to uni i fell and skinned my knee pretty badly and have to go back to my home to clean up and washed the wounds. By that time, it was already too late to go back to uni. And, i was terribly sorry for being a lousy student and lied to him. (he is a very nice man, btw) but he did buy it hehe.
The supplementary exam is made for special requirements for students who couldn't sit the exam because of serious illness, injury, or one of family members passed away.
And, what i have to do is to get evidences of my 'injuries' and show it to the health counsellor at uni.
which means, i have to skin my knee. and that is hard and impossible but i have to make it possible anyway.

life is so sucks right now. everything i did is a mess. This is not actually the first time i screwed up in time management. Back in Taylors, woke up late and rush to exams almost happened to me every semester but i did not miss the exam like i did now.
truth is, I hate sleeping. I always find it very hard to close my eyes and sleep. I wish human beings could live everyday without charging energies by sleeping. it is sucha waste of time, as you know 24 hrs a day is not long enough and u still have to spare 6-8 hours for doing nothing but snores. Now, i'm really scared of sleeping. scared of not being able to wake up the next day..

I really hope better days are waiting for me tomorrow, sigh.

p.s btw, i decided not to delete this blog :) i changed the layout instead, it is now much more simpler than before but i like it this way. hehe

2010-09-07T03:06:00.002+10:00

in·se·cure

–adjective

subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured

not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious

not secure; exposed or liable to risk, loss, or danger

not firmly or reliably placed or fastened

that's what i'm feeling now. and it's killing me. sigh.

i forgot how it feels like to be loved.

2010-09-06T01:56:00.004+10:00

i don't remember that day or even the date.

it was random.

my phone beeped. a text message.

from you.

"will you be my fiancée?"

it was the happiest day of my life.

I’m afraid of 24 out of 72 common fears

2010-09-06T01:43:00.004+10:00

[ ] the dark
[x] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[x] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others.
[x] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[x] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[x] thunder/lightning
[x] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[x] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[x] rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[x] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[x ] tornadoes
[x] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[x] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[x] growing up
[x] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[x] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[x] falling in love
[ ] super secrets

If you repost this, it’s been requested that you title it “I’m afraid of _ out of 72 common fears”

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.

People who don’t have any are liars.

I am paranoid.

2010-08-08T23:28:00.008+10:00

i'm thinking to delete this blog. you know, i've stopped my blogging routines after the break-up.

i can't tell why, maybe because this blog is used to be about me and him. and now i just can't find any reason to blog again. i know it's kinda ridiculous but, trust me i will bore you with my daily stuffs and yeah, maybe blog about love is something i'm pretty good at eh? and now that i'm not having someone by my side anymore, blogging is one thing that doesn't appear on my list anymore.
this thought appeared on my head after i looked back to all the older posts button, and it kinda hit me.

so.. i think i should stop.

2010-06-28T07:28:00.004+10:00

hey, fellas ♥
am currently spending my holiday in hometown and i admitted that life has never been soo gooood :) i want to upload many many pictures here, but i am so lazy to re size all of them teehees
i don't even bothered to open my facebook account, and abandoned all my games in facebook hehe tell you what, sometimes life without internet could be really fun as well. my dailies are spent by slacking, meeting up with best friends, catching up the new gossips, watching movies, and EATING!
i will update more, i promise! :) see ya later., xx

2010-06-01T01:19:00.006+10:00

how are everyone doing? good? sucks? awesome?
I'm good for people who's wondering ;) Sydney has been too cold these days, tomorrow will be marked as the first day of winter. that means goodbye, Autumn. you've been kinda nice except your heavy rains part. i hate cold weather where i have to put on extra clothes, sweaters, coats, shawl, tights, boots, gloves if needed whenever i'm going out. and an UMBRELLA. yes, winter means rains everyday. the temperature could reach below 10 degree after raining. that sucks big time.

and yeah, final exam is coming. less than a week. to be frank, i'm soo not prepared and scared my pants off. what if i can't reach the GPA the uni requires? what if i can't get into sydney university? :/ hate 'what ifs'
yes i know the answer to all my doubtful questions is STUDY. yea yea, study Monica!
im about to do my accounting report and english essay now, sighh
i have working leave for 2 months in order to prepare myself for finals, that means no parties any more! party hard can wait after exams right? and after that am going back to medan :D yahooooooo
can't waitttttt for a month holiday in hometown :) :)
that is exactly 17 days to go! <3

signing off, toddlessss

2010-05-21T23:12:00.000+10:00

2010-05-13T02:49:00.002+10:00

It's been all day I've been waiting for you
so much stories you shared with me
and i shared mine too

and later i found that.. we are not the same like what we used to be anymore
i sense something
but i'm not sure.
what is this feeling?

2010-05-10T23:26:00.011+10:00

random pics from maydeline's 18th :)
at peter doyle the quay. the view from the restaurant was marvelous, we can see harbour bridge with all the little lights from the ship. food was great. good laugh with friends. awesome night.

pictures from Catherine Halim's and Maydeline Gandaputra's.

2010-05-10T01:35:00.001+10:00

words cannot describe how i miss you right now, miss your words, your grumpiness, your sensitiveness, and your homecook meals b a d l y.
i wish i can buy you flowers like i used to :(
thankyou for always being there whenever i am down and need a companion especially when i was suffering from a broken heart. hehe. you always give me words that no one could ever give.
Though sometimes i know i let you down with my selfishness,
i want you to know that you are the best mother in this world, and no one could ever replaces you :)
Happy Mothers Day. Love you, mom . . <3

2010-04-25T23:31:00.004+10:00

picnic at bronte beach. love this beach, its not very crowded like bondi and the waves are better too. went there w school, as its a school compulsary activity. at first i was like saying 'what the hell' to this kind of event. but then again, its compulsary. they re going to mark the attendance, so im going. and it turns out to be not that bad :) will definitely going there again.

love actually..

2010-04-12T09:08:00.003+10:00

currently typing this out at 9 am in the morning, just had my breakfast with suppa puffy eyes resulted from watched korean drama all night long
yea yeah but hey. dont judge me first
those dramas have given me something to learn actually.
the guy from the drama has this opinion that, love is giving her woman up when he knew that he couldnt be part of her happiness. even, that he wants the woman to be happy by his side. but it is just impossible to happen. so thats why he let her go.
whilst the woman definition of love is the other way round.
love for her, is together. no matter how hard it is for them to be, and how much pain they caused the others because of their togetherness.
hmm. i havent finished watching it so i dont know which one definition of love is the right one.
but, you knw what. mine is same w the guy's.
im not saying that the woman from the drama is selfish. but, from what i learnt from my previous love story, sometimes love is just not enough for you and your lover to be together.
i'm agree with the guy from the drama. i let you go, because i want you to be happy. even though im not taking any single part of your happiness. just to see you happy, is enough.
because iloveyou.

call me stupid, or idiot
or whatsoever. but forgive me, forgive me for not forgetting you.

broken vow

2010-03-30T01:57:00.003+11:00

Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end
Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

i keep asking why? but there is no answer.

i realized all of this time i am running away. to unknown direction. all i know is, the further i am the better it is. but its not getting better. i break down and cry, i beg someone to stab me hoping the pain will cover the pain in my heart.
tell me, what does it take for me to take you back? to win your heart once again?

... i am pathetic.

everyone told me to stop, and moving on. but i just can't. moving on seems to be the hardest thing to do.

2010-03-19T23:08:00.003+11:00

saya dulu berpikir kamu itu segalanya..
bahwa kamu itu yang terbaik.
bahwa tidak ada yg akan membuat jantung ini berhenti sesaat hanya karena kecupanmu.
bahwa tidak ada yg akan membuat jantung ini berhenti sejenak hanya karena sentuhanmu.
dulu.. semua begitu indah.
hanya ada kamu dan aku.
aku dan kamu.

sampai sekarang pun aku tetap menganggap kamu itu segalanya.
bahwa kamu itu yang terbaik.
bahwa tidak ada yg akan membuat jantung ini berhenti sesaat hanya karena kecupanmu.
bahwa tidak ada yg akan membuat jantung ini berhenti sejenak hanya karena sentuhanmu.
sampai sekarang pun.. aku tetap menganggapnya indah.
tetapi..
yang ada bukan aku dan kamu lagi.
melainkan.
kamu dan dia.

so do you study me?

2010-03-18T03:09:00.002+11:00

"When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits and hobbits. But after he wins her heart and marries her he often stops learning about her. If the amount he studies her before marriage, was equal to a high-school degree. He should continue to learn about her, until he gains a college degre, a masters degree, and ultimately a doctorate degree. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever closer to hers." Fireproof

a repost from a blog that i like so much, go to her blog .. me,the world,and a glass of ice peach tea :)

birthday

2010-02-20T05:27:00.002+11:00

Happy Birthday to myself :) wishing this 18th will bring good changes to my life. will make me wiser, tougher than before, and living life to the fullest! i am so LEGAL now! hah ;)

2010-02-19T02:05:00.002+11:00

my first job! still haven't got use to it, today is the 2nd day of my trainee. and alrd been yelled 'fuck you' by a racist customer. i really want to reply her indonesian rude words, ya know. such as the 'K' word. i was really really upset i want to cry. luckily i could ease myself or else i might lose my job, ha! send me your wishes of luck to me, peeps ;)

2010-02-15T01:25:00.004+11:00

i once ever thought that someone who says " if you love someone, let him go. if he come back, then he's yours. if he doesn't, he never was." is a total bullshit

i never believed in fate, or belief that says it is love, when you feels happy although the reason of his happiness is not you.

but now, yes i do believe.
i ve let you go, because i want you to deserve your happiness. because i love you..
happy Valentine's day.

february

2010-02-07T23:45:00.004+11:00

February is used to be my month. the month i always 've been waiting for. i called it my month of the year. i celebrated , i mean we celebrated chinese new year in february, valentine's day in february, celebrate my birthday as well in february. and yours too. well, it was.

haha. most of the girls will love february, i was too. baking something, or handmade chocolates wrapped with pretty ribbon and gave it to the boys with red cheek faces. and maybe, the lucky ones, will had dinner, candle light dinner in some fancy restaurants.

or the more lucky one, will got the "will you be my valentine?" question. ha, what a lucky girl!

my spirit for february has gone, apparently. its a week to go to chinese new year and valentine's day. and i feel empty . s a d . this is the 1st time i won't celebrate cny with my family

2 weeks to go to my birthday, and i feel e m p t y

i had you on my birthday for 3 years. guess this year wont be the same anymore

p.s who will you spend your valentine with, peeps? :)

you're happy? so am i

2010-01-29T17:15:00.008+11:00

26th January 2010 , Sydney's celebrating the Australia Day. lots lots of people gathering at darling harbour to watch the fireworks. and its totally awesome :) i felt a bit regret to not spend my old and new last month at here because i went back to indo, and i missed the fireworks.

but i can see it now :)
have i told ya that i love sydney?

survivor

2010-01-29T16:56:00.007+11:00

an apology for abandoning this blog for quite a long time.
im back at sydney. with new stat haha ; single. it is funny though. how life goes up and down. how i used to be praising abt love and all of that stuffs but now i'm single. happy? at first, i certainly not. i cried almost every night recalling the reminiscences. thinking abt how dare you and all of your shits.
but, now
i can say out loud with my chin up high, i'm relieved. maybe it was you who gave up, but the decision was mine. and i'm not regretting anything.
hoping for the best for you and your new life now :) want to thank you anyway, for making me strong like this.

will update this dead blog, again :) see ya fellas

2009-12-08T05:06:00.002+11:00

hello budum...!

almost a month since my very last post.

well actually i don't have the passion to write since i am in my hometown now, m e d a n :) :)

everything seems so right and perfect that i didnt have anything to complain about ! haha

...and i am way too happy which makes me scared of going back there :/

'there' refers to sydney. i can't even imagine me going to summer school in this 3 weeks time, with the bloody hell temperature and heaps of shitloads to do!

so yeah, to think of that. i think i need to be grateful for this summer break and make the most of it :) still a bit dissapointed that he can't spare his days with me sighh
will post the nice photos i ve got during . ciao

2009-11-15T23:14:00.002+11:00

hello!
how's life, temen-temen? hope that you guys are doing great everyday :)
yahh, kayanya smua pada musim mau exam yah? sama kaya gue, udah mo berbusa mulut krn belajar teori" ga penting hukum ekonomi :/ dan ga lupa sos science! errrghh ga penting bgt kan?
pngin cepet" 1 december cihui pulang euy pulang! :D :D

somehow, i feel like i don't belong here. or maybe haven't? i can say, that living alone is totally hard. dulu, ketika pulang dr skolah, makan malam slalu menunggu kita, kamar slalu rapi dan bersih, baju" slalu bersih dan wangi, dan ada papa mama yg ada buat kita
dan ga lupa, pacar buat kencan" konyol nya haha

not that i don't like the life here, but.. papa's right
let me go home next month, buat lepas kangen gw buat smuanyaa. dan ktika balik ke syd , udah ga boleh homesick
papa ultah lho hr ini. pengin cake clover jadinya kann :'(

buat si pacar,
sorry krn gw mnuntut tlalu bnyak, i lost my temper :(
miss you, sayang.

2009-10-19T23:42:00.002+11:00

i miss my family badly, my home, my room , and especially him
:(

new chapter

2009-10-17T02:14:00.004+11:00

i am in Sydney right now. have been here for almost a week. can't say I'm happy to be separated from my family and my loves one. but.. it's life. i am still adapting with this city. can't really stand with the weather , freaking coldddddd
college life will start on Monday. I can't wait, really :)

some photos to keep this blog back on track ,

ciao!

2009-10-06T06:10:00.002+11:00

a letter to someone..

dear, V.
i wantd to tell you a lot of things, a lot that i think i can't write it all at here. i knew you always hate it when i am recalling the past.you said it is useless to recall things that we obviously couldn't change anything abt it. but i'm sorry. i just can't help it. our past has been the sweetest thing in my life. it was all started in junior high, grade 9. i can tell that you have been putting big interest on me since i first stepped on the class, LOL. i just knew it. but so sorry mr.V, i am taken at that time :P though i can't lie that i almost fall for you. then you offered me friendship. okay, i was a bitch at that time. i was having an relationship with another guy , but when i was screwed up, i came to you. and our strange relationship or TTM is a status which is very popular at tht time, ended because my boyfriend disliked it. we never talked for a couple months. till,
we met on the plane. yes, airplane. till now, i always think it was a destiny. that you and i both are meant to be together:) you were sitting behind me. and texted me 'happy new year' because it was a christmas and new year's eve holiday. at that time, i was having a very big fight that i couldn't stand anymore. me and my boyfriend broke up. and you showed up. you promised me tht you will fix my heart and you will make me love you. so yes, i said i do.

so, it was 9th March 2006. i can't lie that you changed my whole life afterwards. we were not always be the sweet couple, sometimes you loss tempered and so did i. by wht i mean, 'loss tempered' classmates would probably understand abt it hehe. grade 10 is wht i called, possessiveness. we sit together in class, 8hrs/day. 6days/week. after school we went to the same tuition. and sunday, is the tipical dating day. we had a lot of time together. even we go to the same extracuriculer activity which is basketball, you were always wait for my practice and got me a bottle of water and then sent me home. until grade 11,
we were separated :( i cried to the most at that time.
6 months later, you moved to other school. i can't accept the fact that we used to sit together, and i taught you maths, and we were always have breakfast and lunch together and sent me home after school, and our forehead kisses before you left. and suddenly you were gone. i was screwed up. we fight all the time. and we broke up.

a lot of drama happened at that time, i dated another guy. yes, i ve told you i'm a bitch. and .... not long after that, you take me back again :) sorry, J.
and , here we are now..
things happened, both of us changed. both of us were not the same couple back then at high school. i wantd to say, i was fucked up when you were not my seat mate anymore, and more fucked up when you moved to anther school. cause you were always not giving enough time for me. but now, we were about to separate for years.. and i will try to accept that. because till now, i still believe that you are the 'guy'. i know maybe its too soon to say that, but i really mean it. after all this time, it has been always YOU. did you still remember, when we always fight all the time, we fight abt many many things, we fight abt what will we have as lunch, we fight abt wht time will you pick me up, even sometimes there was a'third party' in our relationship. i remembered the most when we fight abt something silly, and i was holding scissors, and i can't remember anythng that you were trying to get the scissors and it cut my hand suddenly, it bleeds and we rushed to the nearest clinic, and i got stitches HAHAHA. at that time, i was joked that you have made an all-time-scar on my hand, so you got to marry me instead :P
you were my mom's foster son, you know. she really loves you, when i left, you have to pay a visit kay? and kenneth too. he will miss you most.

both of us can't promise anything now, though we promised we will try. we don't know if we can make it or not. maybe a couple months later, we could broke up because of this long distance thing, well i just hope not. but now, dear. i just want you to know.. that
i love you. i really do.
sayang you the most in this world :)

p.s i don't know why i kept saying i love you whenever i got a chance to say it. maybe because i'm afraid one day i can't say it anymore.
i love you, Van Jacksen Anggara

with love,

Monica Cuaca

2009-10-05T04:24:00.005+11:00

2009-09-25T03:35:00.001+10:00

15 days to go.
I don't want to leave you.
I am asking myself if this is the best?
and i don't know the answer..

the game of love

2009-09-16T03:51:00.003+10:00

finally........... a post!

hahahaha. not that i wanted to abandon this blog, but just by opening and looking at it makes me.... :/ i don't know why .. i can't write. at all! so, the idea of changing the layout pops out. well, i think i am just too bored with the greenish layout. so yeah, here's the classic one. hope it won't bored me :)

anyways, i am trying to enjoy my last month here. and i am so-not-into leaving medan :( i know i have said it for many times.. but i just can't. seeing him everyday really makes me happy and i feel very secure. i never felt this way before. before im going to leave, i have a couple of to-do-lists that still haven't been check marked. such as ; shop for sweaters, jackets, a pair of sneakers, and stationery stuffs.

okay then, i'll post again when i'm into it :) toddles

P.S : you are love.

2009-09-05T02:07:00.004+10:00

September is here..
and its not even surprising anymore., i made this post after reading some of my favourite blogs. and you know, knowing others story and their problems just opened my eyes that i am not really the most pathetic person. even, i am happy too if knowing that they are happy. because they are meant to be. i'm being grateful to have such of amazing friends. for cheering me up when i'm down and always at my side to keep me strong.
i just don't know why am i so blinded by my own desires. i envy those who have such an amazing love stories. by how their boy are being so sweet and so caring and so loving..
i envy you all..
but i am happy for you guys too :)
maybe things were just happened as a karma to me. yeah, i think it is.
so i want to say.. just being grateful when your life, your love is reaching its limit. be grateful, fellas. because you won't know when the wheel is going to turn upside down.

recalling

2009-08-31T04:50:00.007+10:00

well, so long i haven't posted something to my blog.. as i sit here and typing this.. that is because, i don't want to worry some friends who've been worrying about me. thanks for the concern, fellas.

but I'm okay atm. i'm enjoying every bits of my daily. trying not to waste my time here, cause you know.. time fliessss.. and goddamnit. i don't want to leave medan that soon SIGHH, to be honest i am very sad, August has came to its end

okay, i don't want my blog seems to be so DEAD. so, here are some random pics :)

mom's birthday! :)

okay, i don't know why the pictures quality are so bad after i uploaded it. sorry for that. i have been dealing with this insomnia for the past few months! any ideas, peeps? hmmm... anw, i supposed to wake up early tomorrow. or this morning. i had quite a number of to-do-list, goodnight loves.

p.s i believe some truths are better remain unknown. or else it's gonna be painful.

2009-08-22T05:12:00.005+10:00

seriously guys, i don't even know why i let myself log in into blogger and typing this out.
i don't wanna be a person who write shitty stuffs like i m doing now. but hell, like i care. i can't stop it.
and okay, to sum up all the days i ve passed, im not doing very well. i mean, physically yes. but i keep letting myself.. down. i keep remembering my mistakes, failures, the wrong steps i take. like.. 'what if, i didn't do that.. then it wont come up this way.' i HATE the 'what if' you know! that's no good. like, today. i think i have let my brain keep thinking how many mistakes i ve did today for 1304804084480484 times

and to be honest, thats killing me :/
i ain't no perfectionist person. and i won't be one. so can i stop now?

i hate when i complaining like this. i always hate people who nevr stop complaining abt their life. and now i'm one.

back

2009-08-20T18:46:00.005+10:00

i have been putting this blog behind. and i am quite sorry for it.
and i don't have any historical updates, guys. life has just been flat :/ very flat i supposed.
seems like some of my blogger friend i knew are quite obsessed playing poupee girl. and so do i. here is mine,
oh, and have i told you about my further study plan? i am continuing to Sydney. will be going there in October. that means, i only have one and a half month to go . it is hard for me to leave Medan you know :( i hope everything will work out fine. especially us.

2009-08-10T02:03:00.001+10:00

sorry people, if i abandon this blog behind. i am so not in mood for blogging. seems like it will be a hiatus for a while. facing too many probs. and blogging will not help at all.
that's all i would like to say, take care fellas!

dalviny + vivi 's birthday

2009-08-05T02:19:00.005+10:00

it was a fun night with lots of people and happy atmosphere :)

............................................................................................................................................................................................................

bonus from sassa's :

i wish for doraemon.

2009-08-01T01:40:00.004+10:00

why why why why whyyyyyyyy time must flies like crazeyyyy??? it is the august starting tomorrow! oh please, STOP THE TIME GOD! i don't want to reach October :(
well well well, in case God don't want to help me, just send me doraemon. the machine time would come in handy!

speaking of time, it is weekend alrd.
YAY YAY YAY! :D :D :D but, what's the point of weekend, apparently? for me, everyday is holiday! hahahha. i spend today with dalviny, ivana, steward, shirly, tasha, and van :)
we watched a horror movie, "DARAH PERAWAN BULAN MADU" -.-
indo's movie put a really big effort on the title, don't you think? anw, it has many 'wow' scenes. i wonder why it could ' lulus sensor'. and then, steward, ivana and me decided to kick K2. while, me and ivana as the background singer, steward as the andy lau's clone. then, all of us had dinner at wajir, and there's a worm incident. grosssss. but it won't make me had a trauma for durian though. i'm a survivor. hahahaha :D i have to off to bed soon. tiredd. i'm going to vivi's birthday party tomorrow.
goodnight fellas! have a good weekend.

p.s nasi lilis rocks, sayang! :) :)

anime freak

2009-07-27T22:41:00.018+10:00

everyone who's following my twitter would probably knew my addiction to anime these days.. esp.CARDCAPTOR SAKURA! hahaha, i seriously can't help it you know. i ve downloaded 65 eps of it, and now its 5 left. It's 5 left, guysss. i'm not ready to let it end :( last night, i watched the eps.60 (Sakura and a Precious Friend) .. and it is the best episode so far, in my opinion! i would like to spill out the story but in case you are interested with CCS, go download it! it will be much entertaining for you to watch it than reading my blog :)

okay, let me make a short intro for you about the story and the characters yes, hehee.

sinopsis:
Sakura Kinomoto was an ordinary 4th grader until the day she opened a strange book and let dozens of powerful magic cards loose on the world. Keroberos, the Guardian of the Clow Cards, informs Sakura that it is now her responsibility to find and capture the freed cards. However, much to the reluctant Sakura's dismay, things arent going to be easy for her; simply saying magic words and waving her wand around isn't good enough. Each card is a living, thinking, extremely powerful being. She'll have to learn to cope with her new responsibilities, as well as ordinary troubles like love, school, family, and friends. With the support of her friend Tomoyo and a young boy with powers of his own, she must learn how to use her newly awakened magical abilities to collect each card and prevent the disaster that will befall the world if she doesn't.

Sakura is an extremely energetic and cheerful girl. She loves teddy bear, cherry blossom flower, and her family so much. She sucks at math but very good at p.e lesson. Sakura is a nice girl though sometimes she doesn't pay attention to minor things around her. She likes to hang out with her friends, Rika-chan, Chiharu-chan, Naoko-chan, especially with her bestfriend, Tomoyo Daidouji :)

Sakura's best friend, Tomoyo, loves nothing more than video taping Sakura in all of her Clow Card capturing adventures. Tomoyo even makes special "battle costumes" for Sakura to wear. Tomoyo's mother is the president of a rich company, so it's no wonder that Tomoyo lives in a huge mansion and has body guards to drive her around. Tomoyo's gentle and polite, and she's also very smart in school, and has an amazing voice which leads her to several singing competition, though she sometimes goes a bit overboard in her obsession with filming Sakura.

Li Shaoran. Sakura's first enemy for capturing Clow cards. He is a transfer student from Hongkong, at first he plays as a antagonist and had feelings for Yukito-san. But lately he and Sakura became good friends, though he had a lot of trouble dealing with the strong feelings he began developing for her. I love his blushing face whenever he sees Sakura's face :)

Kinomoto Touya. Sakura's big brother or as called as onee-chan :) He's a bit overprotective to Sakura and always make fun of her so Sakura sometimes feel he's very annoying. He can see things that other people can't see. one of my favourite character :)

Yukito Tsukishiro. He is Touya-kun bestfriend. He's gentle, kind and charming, which makes Sakura had a major crush on him much. Mind his charming face, but he do eat like a monster :D

Fujitaka Kinomoto. Sakura and Touya's father. A very kind father. He's a typical caring father who enjoys cooking and making lunch for his children. He fell in love with Nadeshiko (they married) obviously, but sadly she has died. Despite her death, he still loves Nadeshiko very much and keeps several pictures around the house of her.

one of the main character, Kero-chan or as known as Kerberos. When Sakura broke the seal on the Clow Book, Kerberos emerged from its cover. Kerberos was suppossed to be guarding the book, but he'd fallen asleep. However, since Kerberos' symbol is the Sun, he couldn't return to his true form until Sakura captured the Firey and Earth cards - the cards that he ruled over. Since he had to remain in his small, cute form until then, Sakura and Tomoyo nicknamed him "Kero-chan."
Kero's two passions in life are food and video games. Even though he's quite the wise guy and a bit of a hot-head, he learns to care for Sakura and he tries to help her in every way he can. And when he finally regained his true form, he could fly on large golden wings and breathe fire!

Li Meilin. Shaoran's childhood friend from Hongkong and she insists that she is Shaoran's fiancee until Shaoran find her most loved girl . Though she's a little short tempered and stuck-up, and she doesn't have magical powers, she's helped Sakura and Shaoran many times in their adventure.

Sakura's classmates. from left to right. Chiharu Mihara, Tomoyo Daidouji, Rika Sasaki, Naoko Yanagisawa.

Eriol Hiragizawa. a misterious transfer student from London. still don't know what is he up to. a smart student, plays piano very good and have magical power also.

some of the Clow Cards :)

random pics:

some of Sakura's battle costumes. all designed by Tomoyo.

Sakura's capturing Watery card

Sakura and Kero-chan

charming Shaoran :)

all characters :)

P.S i am freaking tired after this post HAHAHA

love this :)

2009-07-27T03:10:00.004+10:00

I just remembered, that time at the market

snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart

And rode down, aisle 5

you looked behind you to smile back at me

crashed into a rack full of magazines

they asked us if we could leave.

Can't remember, what went wrong last September

Though I'm sure that you'd remind me, if you had to

Our love was, comfortable

and so broken in

I sleep with this new girl i'm still getting used to

my friends all approve, say she's gonna be good for you

they throw me, high fives

She says the bible is all that she reads

and prefers that I not use profanity

your mouth was, so dirty

Life of the party and she swears that she's artsy

but you could distinguish

Miles from Coltrane

Our love was, comfortable and

so broken in

she's perfect, so flawless

or so they say, say

She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin'

and poses for pictures that aren't being taken

I loved yougrey sweat pants, no makeup, so perfect

Our love was, comfortable and

so broken in

she's perfect, so flawless

I'm not impressed, I want you back.

2009-07-23T22:58:00.002+10:00

life has been busy. who's don't? i have been busy preparing stuffs for college. and it's good to keep me as busy as a bee. so i'm still doing productive things. hehehe.and i am looking for an english private tuition, a good one. any request, peeps? tell me if you know about it , kay?
and i promise myself to lose more kilos again. so i am thinking to hit the gym. yesterday, was boby's farewell dinner at gelato bar.. he's going to malaysia tomorrow. probably, i will go to the airport with the girls tomorrow. and afterwards we could catch Harry Potter :D

bytheway, i didn't get why you still need to check up on me like that? like seriously 'spying on me?'
please, boy. get a life!

2009-07-20T00:58:00.005+10:00

i am soooooo not in mood for blogging peeps, so ill just upload some random pics i took couple days ago and today's.

she's in town yo , i mean stella catherine

NICE TEE, STELLA! :D

2009-07-18T02:36:00.001+10:00

I want to cry,

But instead I laugh

I want to taint the rose

Absurdly, I cherish its beauty

I want to turn my back

on you,

On Contrary,

I run to your warmth